Breaking Free with Values

Using Core Values to Overcome People-Pleasing

The Hidden Cost of Always Saying "Yes"

The meeting ran late again. As everyone packed up to leave, your colleague casually mentioned they couldn't complete their portion of the project this weekend. "Could you help me out?" they asked. Despite your own overflowing plate and plans with family, you heard yourself saying, "Sure, no problem," even as your stomach knotted with resentment.

Sound familiar?

People-pleasing—the compulsive need to gain approval and avoid disapproval at all costs—is more than just being nice. It's a pattern that leads many people to regularly override their own needs, boundaries, and authentic desires. Over time, this pattern erodes your sense of self, contributes to burnout, and paradoxically damages the very relationships you're trying to preserve.

But there is a powerful antidote: reconnecting with and living by your core values.

The Roots of People-Pleasing

Before addressing how core values can help, it's important to understand what drives people-pleasing behaviors:

• Early conditioning: Many people-pleasers learned in childhood that their worth was tied to meeting others' expectations or they were actually punished for not meeting them

• Fear of rejection: The deeply human need for belonging can transform into an unhealthy fear of disapproval. Growing up with dysfunction and narcissism can make this fear worse

• Identity confusion: Years of prioritizing others' needs can disconnect us from knowing what we actually want

• Avoidance of conflict: People-pleasers often experience disagreement as threatening rather than normal

• Empathy overdrive: Natural empathy becomes problematic when it consistently overrides personal boundaries

Research by Dr. Brené Brown has shown that people-pleasing isn't actually about being generous—it's often about managing how others perceive us and avoiding uncomfortable emotions like guilt or fear.

How Core Values Provide the Path Forward

Your core values represent your deepest beliefs about what matters most and how you want to live. When clearly identified and consciously applied, they offer a powerful framework for reclaiming your authentic self and making decisions that truly reflect who you are.